Viewing entries tagged
Difficult People

Five Ways to Make Meetings Productive, Efficient and a Win for Everyone

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Dr. Rick Brinkman reveals helpful tips to maximize time and work productivity. 

C-suite executives spend 40% of their workweek in meetings, according to The Wall Street JournalHarvard Business Review found that 15 percent of an organization’s total collective time is spent in meetings. Just how much of that time is effective depends largely on how the meeting is run — but top managers and CEOs don’t get there by wasting their company’s time. They use strategies that maximize productivity, minimize frustration, and end with people motivated and happy. And that approach can increase people’s productive work time by a full 20 percent.

Continue reading here on the McGraw-Hill Blog

How to Discuss Contentious Issues in Meetings and Come to Quick Agreement

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 If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.

—Henry Ford

 

As we have explored in a previous post on how to Prevent Polarization at Meetings, we want the group to get to Holographic Thinking, which means they see all the important factors from everyone’s point of view.   Accomplishing that requires three things. First; everyone must be focused on the same topic and use the same process at the same time. Second, we must hear from everyone and therefore have a speaking order which can be either voluntary or circular. And third we must do flight recording, which simply means summarizing what people say in bullet points visually on a flip chart or projected PowerPoint slide to allow us to see all the factors at once. 

 

In this blog post we will examine how to analyze potentially contentious issues without falling into a polarization trap. READ THE REST AT MCGRAW-HILL BUSINESS BLOG

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What Difficult Behavior Type is Donald Trump and What to Do About It at Meetings

As the co-author of the McGraw-Hill book, "Dealing with People You Can't Stand" and the author of the new McGraw-Hill book, "Dealing with Meetings You Can't Stand, Meet Less and Do More", I am constantly being asked, "What behavior types does Trump fall into?"  Those would be a combination of two. One is the "Think-They-Know-it-All" which is very ego driven. Out of this behavior there is constant one-upsmanship. If you were sick, they were sicker, if you had a big inauguration, they had a bigger one.  The other behavior is the Tank (bully).  To make matters more difficult, he has significant positional power. 

In this article I will explore how you deal with this trinity in a boss and how the Meeting Jet process can control it. 

https://www.business2community.com/communications/5-steps-to-defuse-the-bully-in-the-room-and-have-a-successful-meeting-02073377

Who is the Most Difficult Family Members to Live With?

Study claims women are the most DIFFICULT family members to live with (but they're also the ones we depend on most)

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  • Researchers find that wives, sisters and mothers tend to 'nag' their kin the most
  • Female family members are disproportionately thought of as 'difficult' because they're more likely to be emotionally invested in people's personal lives
  • Study participants ranked friends as the least difficult people in their lives

Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley and Bar-Ilan University in Israel have discovered an inconvenient truth about our female family members. 

Wives, sisters and mothers are more likely to be the most difficult people in our lives, according to a survey of 1,100 respondents who described more than 12,000 relationships.  

Women may be guilty of doing the lion's share of whining, nagging and controlling in relationships, but the study noted that it's for a good reason.  

Female family members were most often labeled as difficult because they're usually emotionally invested in relatives' lives.



Read more here, recommeded: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-5300019/Study-Mothers-wives-difficult-people-live-with.html#ixzz5BuflVDmy 
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Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-5300019/Study-Mothers-wives-difficult-people-live-with.html#ixzz5BufDfdo6 

Dealing with Relatives: How to Prepare Yourself for Family Gatherings

Dealing with Relatives: How to Prepare Yourself for Family Gatherings

THE RULES OF NON-ENGAGEMENT WITH RELATIVES: How to Prepare for Family Gatherings

Adapted by Dr. Rick Brinkman from the book: Dealing with Relatives, Brinkman & Kirschner.

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Relatives have a unique relationship with you that is different for three reasons.

1. You did not choose them.  Yes, you choose your spouse, so he or she is not a relative. But what most people don't realize is the spouse comes along with bonus people! Feeling out of choice can easily lead to feeling like a victim.

2. Relatives are also hard to deal with because they tend to cross boundaries that no one else in your life would cross including a good friend.

3.  And relatives who are immediate family can be tough because they themselves are triggers to the past. Just as you can hear a song that suddenly takes you back in time, so it is that a family member can trigger old ways of relating or conflicts.

Therefore the first thing to remember when it comes to attending family events is you always have a choice:

1. Go and Suffer

2. Don’t Go (and possibly feel guilty)

3. Go with a different attitude

4. Go with a different attitude and behavior

I would suggest #4, a shift in attitude and behavior. Keep in mind your ability to make that shift will serve you in many more places than just this one event. Think of it like going to the gym and you are going to work out your communication and attitude muscles. 

To support you I suggest The Rules of Non-Engagement:  

1. Decide In Advance
Make a conscious choice about the kind of experience you’re going to have when you get there, before you arrive.

Liam says:

“I make a conscious choice to have a pleasant experience, no matter what. By reminding myself what I want from this experience, I have more control over my state of mind and the tone of any conversations we may have.”                

But it isn’t enough to make the choice not to have problems with a predictably argumentative relative.  You also want to make a conscious choice about what topics to steer clear of, and what you will do if those topics come up.

Carissa told us:

 “My mother-in-law has strong opinions about everything. If I responded to the troubling things she said, just for the sake of discussion, I was guaranteed an argument, and more likely an attack, which almost always led to a fight with my husband in the car on the way back home after visiting her! But I now realize that I have a say over what ultimately gets discussed, because I can avoid the problematic topics when they come up.  Now, on the way to her place, before I talk with her, I do a little talking with myself.  I tell myself exactly what I am willing to talk about and what I’m not willing to talk about no matter what, and I stick to it.”                                 

2. Plan for Sore Subjects

 Joseane:

"My husband’s former mother-in-law is a sore subject with my in-laws. Her name was Maggie.  Mention her name to either of them, and they spin off in anger.  To make matters worse my mother-in-law somehow, she finds a way to bring up Maggie’s name to me in every other conversation. We could be talking about food, travel, pets, children, whatever, and then for no obvious reason, she brings up the subject and starts reacting to it. Next thing I know, she’s telling the same story for the gazillionth  time about how inconsiderate she was, how mean she was, how absolutely awful she was.”

"I used to try and convince her that she should live and let live, but my efforts never worked.  Now when she starts talking angrily about Maggie, I just nod my head, wait till she’s done, and then change the subject to anything else!  I am purposely vague.  I just say ‘uh-huh.’  And if she asks me, ‘What do you think?, I know she isn’t really wanting my opinion, so I say ‘Well you know what's best for you.’  And the funny thing is when I do that she tells my husband, ‘I’m crazy about that girl.  She is so wise.’”

Joseane’s plan is simple.  She acts like she’s listening, and when she’s asked to take a position, she defers to the questioner for the answer.

This is also the way to deal with criticism from relatives. You can speak to their intent instead of getting caught up in the content of what they’re saying. If your relative says: “You should dress up more,” you can say, “Thank you for caring about my appearance.”

If your parent asks you, their adult child, whether you are brushing your teeth, you can reply, “Thanks for caring about my hygiene.”

By refusing to get caught up in the content of what they’ve said, you have time to breath, gather your wits, and create a cushion of non-engagement around yourself.

3.  Keep Your Perspective & Use Reminders

Garth told us: 

“Whenever we find ourselves obligated to attend some kind of family function, I’ve developed the habit of reminding myself that ‘all things will pass’.  I get a small red stick-on dot that I put on my watch to mark the time we’re leaving. It’s a perfect stealth reminder that helps me keep my perspective.”        

You should also partner with other family members who understand the difficulty of dealing with that special someone.  Develop a signal system, exit strategy, or other method of mutual support that can get you through the worst behavior without engaging with it.

By developing your options in advance, you support yourself and transform the stress of a family event into shared success.

I wish you good luck.

;-)

Dr. Rick

Dealing with People You Can't Stand #2 iBooks Bestseller

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Publisher's weekly has just released the stats for November 26, 2017 and my book, "Dealing with People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst" (Brinkman & Kirschner) is #2 on the business book bestseller list. 

iBooks US Bestseller List - 11/26/17 - Business & Personal Finance
1. Tribe of Mentors by Timothy Ferriss - 9781328994974 - (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt)
2. Dealing with People You Can’t Stand, Revised and Expanded Third Edition: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst by Dr. Rick Brinkman & Dr. Rick Kirschner - 9780071785730 - (McGraw-Hill Education)
3. Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki - 9781612680187 - (Plata Publishing, LLC.)

see more here

It also has been translated into 25 languages. The bad news is I guess many people in the world can't stand each other. The good news, it's great for business! ;-)

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How to Prevent Difficult People at Meetings, Dr. Rick on FNN the Feline News Network

In this 3 minute 30 second interview Dr. Rick Brinkman, explains how the Meeting Jet process in his book prevents difficult behaviors like, whining, negativity, know-it-alls, passive people and more from even occurring in the first place. 

Interviewed by his two cats Neelix and Leela.

Dealing with Meetings You Can't Stand, Meet Less and Do More published by McGraw-Hill 2017

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Polish is the 25th Language of Dealing with People You Can't Stand

I am proud to announce that our book Dealing with People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst (Brinkman & Kirschner, McGraw-Hill 2004, 2003, 2012) is now in it's 25th language. The companion book which we affectionately call "the Cliff Notes" version: 24 Lessons for Managers: Dealing with Difficult People has also come out in Polish.

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