Should People Wear Headphones at Work?

I was asked recently, "Should people be 'allowed' to wear headphones at work?"

I saw a study that found the average person in an open office environment gets interrupted every 9 minutes. If they are doing general office work it takes 3 minutes to recover from the interruption. Recover meaning getting back to what you are doing with the same level of focus.

Let's do the math. Every 9 minutes means 6 times an hour, multiplied by 3 minutes to recover means 18 minutes lost. But wait there's more. We haven't factored in the actual interruption. If by some miracle the interruption only lasted 2 minutes then that's 6 interruptions/hour multiplied by 2 minutes, equals 12 minutes. Add that to your 18 minutes recovery and you just lost 30 minutes.

But wait there's more. The 3 minute recovery was only for general office work. Editing complex documents or doing accounting took 30 minutes to get back to the same level of accuracy and focus. Computer programming took 60 minutes.

Some interruptions are actually work related and others are just blurting. Blurting is when people just spontaneously say stuff because it happens to cross their mind.

"Did you see that movie...."

"I gotta tell you this joke..."

So in answer to should people be able to use headphones at work, the answer is it depends on:

1. What they are working on and their primary responsibility. Not for your receptionist.

2. Who are your co-workers. If you sit next to a blurter it's a must.

What is an Organization's Culture?

I was asked recently, "HR people struggle with the concept of Culture at a company. How do you define it? As co-author of the book Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How To Bring Out The Best In People At Their Worst, (Brinkman & Kirschner, McGraw-Hill, 1994, 2003, 2011). I tend to view culture in an organization as the behaviors both good and bad that are considered acceptable and verboten.

For example, when I did programs for Chevron, they told me they have a term called the “Chevron Yes”. What that means is you are pleasant and agreeable on the surface but that doesn't mean you agree or follow through.

When I would do seminars as part of IBM's leadership series and talk about the Grenade tantrum, consistently half the IBM’ers in the room would say “I can imagine somebody doing the tantrum at work.” While the other half of the room would say, “Oh yes they do!” The difference was the half but couldn't imagine it were IBM’ers who were always at IBM. The half that said “Yes they do”, were IBM’ers who get sent to someone else's facility. As they discussed their corporate culture they realized grenade tantrum was not tolerated. However, they admitted that Tank (attack) and Know-it-all run free as protected species.

I once did a seminar for aerospace firm that was designing planes. They had a lot of engineers on the job who when at work must be in a mode of Get it Right / Perfection. The only problem with that is when in a perfectionist mode you can study things from now till the cows come home and never get it done. What the organization learned to do is you hire a very controlling manager to ride herd on those engineers and make sure the project also gets done. However, in their case it went too far because management by Tank attack was considered an acceptable leadership strategy and even promoted.

I did a program for a software company in the Seattle area (not the evil Empire). They realized they had hiring practices that effectively weeded out people who needed control or attention at work and pulled in people like to get along and get it right at work. This was a big “Aha” for them about their culture. On the upside “No wonder we're one big happy family and we’re very meticulous about our work.” (Get Along and Get it Right). But on the downside they realized, “No wonder it’s a major miracle to get a decision made in the company.” That’s because everyone was either waiting for consensus (Get along) or studying it in further detail (Get it right).

So I would does not I would define the culture of an organization as the behaviors both good and bad that are accepted and unaccepted.

What Do You Do with a Negative Co-Worker

Whiner

Negativity or The No Person is one of the ten behavioral types we described in our book, Dealing With People You Can't Stand, How To Bring Out The Best In People At Their Worst (Brinkman & Kirshner, McGraw-Hill, 1994, 2003, 2011). Negativity and its first cousin Whining are particularly insidious in an organization. That's because those behaviors tend to spread like the flu through a team and before you know it, everyone is doing it. Even worse, it can become a team habit.

The difference between whining and negativity is whining is a feeling of being helpless, the victim of people, circumstances, or ironically the present circumstances not measuring up to their own high standard of perfection.

Whereas negativity is hopeless. They have given up in the face of the same thing. In fact negativity is really fossilized whining, it goes on and on and on and finally they say, “what’s the use why bother.”

When people get negative they have all the sureness and arrogance of a Know-it-all seduced by the dark side of the force. ;-)

The first thing to do is knowing what not to do. Do not bother trying to tell them it’s not so bad or offer a solution. That causes them to go deeper into their quicksand of how bad it is. This is called a polarity response. Two-year-olds and teenagers can have a polarity response as a developmental phase. And when people are negative they have polarity. (Interestingly enough when people are whiny they do not have polarity.)

So if you want to have a little fun and mess with their head then jump into their quicksand with them and playfully start splashing around saying, “You’re right, it’s hopeless, why bother, nothing will work, we might as well just end it all right now.” And they’ll respond with, “Well you’re right but all we have to do is this…” Like magic they will talk solutions to you.

Another thing you can do with negativity is harness it for the greater good. I remember a woman telling me about her husband Bob who was terribly negative, always what’s wrong, nothing ever right. She said the Cub Scouts are planning a trip to Washington DC and the organizers wondered if anything go wrong so they decided to invite her husband Bob to a planning meeting.

Sure enough Bob ripped the trip apart in generalizations but as they kept asking questions they got him to be more and more specific. Then they said, “Thanks a lot Bob, see later,” and sorted for themselves what was an exaggeration and what should be attended to. This is called giving yourself an attitude adjustment by not letting the negative person be a wet blanket as well as using them as a resource.

For more click on the "Whining/Negativity" category on the left.

And certainly the book “People You Can’t Stand…” will also be a useful resource: http://www.rickbrinkman.com/store/books/dpcs.shtml

It is also available in audio book: http://rickbrinkman.com/store/audio/dpcsAUDIO.shtml or as a download at the iTunes store or at Audible.com.

Time Flies...

Greetings Conscious Communicator,

In a few weeks I will be attending my 40th reunion of Stuyvesant High School in New York City.

This is the first reunion I am aware of and my theory is because we were the last all-male graduating class, we didn't have any girls to organize social events.

In my time, though not my class, was Paul Reiser and three current members and advisors of Obama's cabinet including Attorney General Eric Holder. He was a senior in my first year and in fact ;-) I think he gave me my first wedgie! ;-)

Attitude is Up to You

I presented to 1600 people at the American Medical Directors Association recently. One of the doctors came up to me and shared an expression I want to share with you: In life pain is inevitable.

Misery is optional.

Preserving Memories Without Clutter

Those of you who receive my e-article series have seen the article on de-cluttering and how it can free your energy and give you back more time. Here is a tip sent in by a reader of how she preserves memories without the clutter. "I read the article on De-Clutter. I was amazed that most of what you suggested I have already been doing through the year's. Before giving anything away that has been of sentimental value or an item that had a special purpose in my life, I take a photograph of the item, let it go and place the photo in an album. Months or year's later visiting the albums, I get much joy looking at "things" that were a part of my life during that period."  Barbara Cumberland, Pinehurst, N.C.

If you do not receive the article series you can subscribe to it here.

College Senior Freakout

I was recently interviewed by Her Campus for tips to deal with "senior freakout." Meaning ;-) college life is over and you have to join the real world. ;-) The process I suggest is valid for anyone dealing with anything. It's about how to control your reactions and put yourself in the state of being you need to be successful with whatever you are dealing with.

You can access the article here.

What are the top 5 mistakes managers make?

I was recently asked what the top 5 mistakes managers make. I think they all relate to meetings.

I ask you, how much of your time in meetings is really well used given the other priorities. My brother-in-law told me recently he spends the whole Monday in meetings and does absolutely nothing that brings revenue to the company or serves the customer.

So I would say the top 5 mistakes managers make all relate to letting meetings run them, instead of them running meetings.

1- Questioning the necessity of meetings that have been around forever. When people are at a meeting they are not doing a million other things. Time/Benefit of bringing people together must always be questioned.

2- No speaking order at a meeting. You need a speaking order otherwise the assertive personalities will dominate and the passive people drop out. Your eyes see from two different points of view and when your brain puts them together you see there dimensions. To have holographic thinking at a meeting requires everyone's participation.

3- No time limit for speaking at a meeting. A time limit needs to be established for any one moment addressing the group. Two minutes at the most. Otherwise some people will go on and on and on saying what they already said.

4- No visual recording of people's thoughts. Visual means you can see it. Everyone's point when speaking should be recorded on a flip chart or computer hooked up to a monitor. The difference between visual communication and auditory is visual remains over time and you can see totality.

5- No agenda. Everyone needs to know the agenda and each agenda item should tell the participant what is expected of them.

For more on this subscribe to my articles and the first two you will immediately receive are: "The Meeting Magic Process" and "The Art of the Agenda". You can get those here: http://rickbrinkman.com/enews/index.shtml

Also for tips specifically related to conference calls I refer you here: http://rickbrinkman.com/blog/category/organization/meetings/

Tis the Season to Deal with Relatives

I recently was interviewed by Woman's World magazine on Dealing with Relatives. I believe the article is in the current issue. Here is a link to access a PDF version or simply click on the graphic.

But wait there's more!!!

In case you haven't gotten it yet here is a 90 minute audio-seminar I did last year on Dealing with Relatives. It covers Martyrs and Judges and defusing your reactions. And speaking of defusing, while you are at the Relatives web page check out the hypnosis audio. It will defuse your triggers with Relatives from the inside out so they can do what used to drive you crazy and it won't matter to you anymore. I have gotten great feedback over the year on it's effectiveness. You'll find it all at: http://rickbrinkman.com/relatives

Email, Will You Go with the Devil or the Angel?

Athena Online, a division of IMS (Institute for Management Studies) has a tremendous library of learning videos by some of the great business experts of our time, including me ;-) I definitely recommend them as a resource. Below is a sample of the quality work they do. It's an introduction to multiple other videos of me explaining when to use email and when to bail and tips for avoiding misunderstandings.

[hana-flv-player video="http://rickbrinkman.com/blog_videos/Devil_Angel.flv" width="480" height="320" description="Athena Online - Dr. Brinkman Devil/Angel of Email" player="2" autoload="true" autoplay="false" loop="false" autorewind="false" /]

In addition IMS which sponsors seminars in 26 cities around the globe is launching "Leveraged Learning", where after the live seminar you have access to multiple resources to solidify your learnings and turn them into action. Definitely check out the Leveraged Learning video here.

The "Why" of Why Men Don't Say, "I'm sorry" As Often As Women

In the last post I linked you to Canadian researchers who found that men were just as willing to apologize as women, except that more often they didn't think they did anything wrong.

As a Conscious Communicator it's important to know that how someone knows if they've "done something wrong" is based on their behavioral definition. Meaning these behaviors x and y equals doing something wrong and therefore warrants apology.

Actions and words - especially those words that define behavior - mean different things to different people. For example, some people define "listening" as quietly taking in everything another person is saying, while other people define "listening" as asking questions and sharing their own experiences.

As a born and bred New Yorker I grew up with the definition of "being on time" meaning anywhere within 20 minutes of the time you said you would be. This definition comes from the fact that in New York City anything can happen at any time. You can be stopped by a motorcade from the UN, stuck in a subway, or moving at molasses in January speed in traffic. When I moved to the west coast I had experiences of people being annoyed at me for showing up 10 minutes late by their definition, while I thought made good time. ;-)

Differences in behavioral definitions are a very common cause of conflict between people. 

You'll know it's time to get behavioral definitions if someone says to you, "You don't ______" -- and you know you do. Reply by saying with intent, "I would like to _____." 

Follow up with, "How would you know if I did ____?  Clarify with questions until the other person is completely behaviorally specific. Then ask, "How do you know that I don't ____?"

For example if the other person says you don't "care", the root of the issue could either be that you are "not" doing something equals "caring" to them or that you "are" doing something that equals not "caring.

In the last post I linked you to Canadian researchers who found that men were just as willing to apologize as women, except that more often they didn't think they did anything wrong.

As a Conscious Communicator it's important to know that how someone knows if they've "done something wrong" is based on their behavioral definition. Meaning these behaviors x and y equals doing something wrong and therefore warrants apology.

Actions and words - especially those words that define behavior - mean different things to different people. For example, some people define "listening" as quietly taking in everything another person is saying, while other people define "listening" as asking questions and sharing their own experiences.

As a born and bred New Yorker I grew up with the definition of "being on time" meaning anywhere within 20 minutes of the time you said you would be. This definition comes from the fact that in New York City anything can happen at any time. You can be stopped by a motorcade from the UN, stuck in a subway, or moving at molasses in January speed in traffic. When I moved to the west coast I had experiences of people being annoyed at me for showing up 10 minutes late by their definition, while I thought made good time. ;-)

Differences in behavioral definitions are a very common cause of conflict between people. 

You'll know it's time to get behavioral definitions if someone says to you, "You don't ______" -- and you know you do. Reply by saying with intent, "I would like to _____." 

Follow up with, "How would you know if I did ____?  Clarify with questions until the other person is completely behaviorally specific. Then ask, "How do you know that I don't ____?"

For example if the other person says you don't "care", the root of the issue could either be that you are "not" doing something equals "caring" to them or that you "are" doing something that equals not "caring.

Why Don't Men Say I'm Sorry

Sharon Jayson reports for USA Today that women apologize more than men, but it's not because they commit more wrong doing. They just think they do.

New research on apologies from Canadian psychologists finds that men have a "higher threshold" for bad behavior, meaning they just don't see "wrong" the same way women do, according to a study online in the journalPsychological Science.

Read full article, highly recommended here

To Do or Not to Do

I have some motivational signs posted in my office, mostly to do with focus and belief. I shared the Rule of Acquisition #173 in the last post. Here is another favorite of mine that most visitors to my office seem to gravitate to:

HALF ASSED ACTION

IS BETTER THAN

PERFECT PROCRASTINATION.

Rule of Acquisition #173

Yes, I'll admit it. I'm a Star Trek fan. And of all series and generations. I appreciate a vision of an era where humans can get over their BS with each other and cooperate so that they can experience the same old BS with aliens.

For those of you who may not be fans, the Ferengi race is all about acquisition and profit. Their "bible" is the Rules of Acquisition.

There is one rule I have had tapped to my wall for sometime that relates to living a Life by Design. I share it with you to support your fulfillment of what is important to you.

Rule of Acquisition #173

- Dream

- Plan

- Believe

- Act

Go for your dreams. You can do it.

MacMillan Publishes Audiobook of "Dealing with People You Can't Stand"

The Doctors Rick were in Blackstone Studios (Ashland, OR) this summer, recording the audiobook version of their international best selling book (20 languages), Dealing with People You Can't Stand, How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst.

It will be available on iTunes, Audible.com, and Emusic.com this fall and in stores by the end of the year.